10.14.08

I don't know why I wasn't taking photos. I think the depression was taking hold.

October 14 - 9:33pm

Someone asked me today how long we have been in the hospital and I couldn't believe it when I said it...'three weeks on Friday.' I looked at the calendar and realized if Xander were to be transplanted this week, we wouldn't be home for at least two weeks, probably more like three. That puts us into November. Then I started thinking about Xander's birthday and how close it is. I'll admit I got a little bummed. I really hope Xander doesn't have to spend his first birthday in the hospital. I want him at home by then. I want him all pink and healthy. I want to get him a big cake with a candle in it that Linc will help him blow out as we all sing Happy Birthday loudly and horribly off key. I want to take pictures of both my boys with icing smeared all over their faces, of wrapping paper strewned about and of presents piled everywhere. I just want a happy day for him. I just want Xander home for his birthday.

xxxooo

10:58am

I have never seen people react to someone the way they react to Xander. It's the strangest but most awesome thing. People are literally drawn to him. I know I'm his Mommy and it's natural for me to think I have the most special kid in the world but this is totally different. It's as if he has this hypnotic power he uses to captivate them. They are literally mesmerized by him.

They come in all day long to visit. There are doctors and nurses and phlebotomists and physical therapists and social workers, etc...who come to see just him. Nothing more. They aren't obligated to. They come because they want to. It is a truly wondrous thing.

7:21am

Another crappy night at the hospital. Not for Xander thank goodness but for me. Sometimes you get too many people flying at you and then other nights it's like where the hell is the nurse?!? She was nowhere in sight that's where. Grrr. I went searching for her several times because his pumps were going off. I would never find her so I would drag any poor nurse who happened to be out in the hallway to help me. I guess I'll never be satisfied.

Xander spit up a bunch this morning. They keep turning his feeds up and his little belly doesn't like the volume they are putting in there right now. I have turned the machine off to give him a break for a half hour or so. I'm sure they get bugged when I do that. Oh well. I have to do what I think it best.

Praying Xander's liver is on its way and I've got Eme in those prayers too.